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With blurred vision, I strain to see. Seeing with glasses I gaze away, bypassing to ignore.

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Just realised how easy it is for me if i wanted to withhold the truth about something or even telling a lie without detecting. I think it happens more because of the lack of direct contactwith the other person even if there seems to be one, but really at the end in this state I'm looking at you does not mean I am reacting to you because I can't.

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Thinking about it, I feel that this exercise is not replicable, ore better saying that there are other things at play beyond my precise deficiency: such as my character, outlook, naturalractions and other elements that to some extent vision has shaped in my history. Vision not as how clear or less i am able to see things but how i perceive things: culturally, physically those of the spirit world and those of psychological nature.

Living in the present is something that always evaes me and accpetance is one of the hardest of simple things i struggle with, because it does not require any physical motion but it takes thinking a priori of things that seem to be in act rahter than potency. it is not my aim to indoctirante or even inform as much as to trigger maybe a thought or an idea in those to whom it appeals.

The second brief feeling today wehn my eyues got really tired that it felt like i had lenses on and i found myself rubbing them to remove that plastic sheen inorder to let my eyes breathe, but this is more strange than looking for my glasses because I very rarely wear lenses. I suppose it is the most familiar thing that I experienced (lenses) during the same time of not having the weihgt of the frame posing on my face.

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Out of all things sitting at a computer is the worst without my specs... I am off to work now soon, I am afraid i have to take my spare old glasses with me in my old bag. If something happens on work i cannot afford to be in the haze, but I will do my best to stick to the task! Tomorrow is going to be harder if I am to go through what is required of me during the day!

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Installation of my glasses in INSPACE for 3 days

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I suppose having too much happening when in this state is as bewildering as much as having nothing much on either. It goes to from noticing how much i would have enjoyed lunch much more if i could see it beforehand to having to decide how to juggle the weekend with a possibility of skipping the conference having to travel by train,,, possibly...also being called onto night duty tonight. not sure...

It was very tempting today to fetch my old crappy specs to get some results when looking for something or just even keep them with me just in case i am i end up in a messy situation...

a couple of friends phoned me to wish happy birthday today, it was interesting how i noticed that during these phonecalls it did nto seem so muchh importnat that i could not see clearly and i am starting to nnitice which muscles in my face realax when im not squinting my eyes trying to focus on somehting.

By the sounds of it, never has been a more appropriate expression.

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I keep on trying to look for somehting that i cannot see

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It is not that without my glasses I am realising new things. It is more how my thoughts project and bounce back into my head, htere is this kindof veil that slows things down. I was thinking more about Rosalie s work this morning and yesterday, in re to the phantom limb or the extended body. M y vision felt clerest ths morning as i woke up. i am not sure if that is because at that stage my eyes are most rested or it is habitual to experience the workd like that. but instinctively after my shower I tried to reach for my glasses at several times, and yesterday i tried to adjust my glasses several times while I was not wearing any.

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It is almost the end of the first conference day. I missed the last talk becasue i ahd to go and buy led lights for my piece. I fel quite dismayed i jsut stuck the  lights on the side quite in an arbitrary fashion. very much in a way that clashes with the pristine inspace. Anyway, i am not blaming that becasue i am not wearing glasses, but it is because of recurring attitude. wehn i am feeling  that i have to rush something becuase i am in an awkward position, I think that awkward is one riht adjective to apply to my current state..I found the confernerce quite interesting but as well quite hard to follow because of low concentration level. Assimilating all the point of viewws today and making them my own would be a good goal, however... I am kept wondering what is the value n all this. Why this performance, or i shluld like to stop calling it that, my art. I was thinking of using these three days to reflect in my practice, I feel at a loss at the moment what i am looking at not literally, but in my art. Previously my statement was that from sedimentary rock to ecclesiastical architecture to otehr things, i am interested not in subject matter of these visuals, but how these spaces frame the human presence and more importnatny the human  choices made wihting these frameworks, and the repercussions following,. I have labelled myself in my undergrad as a visual artist. and i insisted that because through my research and interest was based on the study of visuals, ant their interpretation, before the context took over my work in my degree show piece and i decided to focus on site specificity within my studies..

I am hoping that by doint this exercise, something will come out of it, in terms of either rreducing the familiarity and explore oaher sources of perception.

It almost feels siilar to waht one would do in doing the desert experience, in spiritual terms.  Instead of removing myself from my environment by taking my whole self out of the equasion i just removed one little tool. IT feels lie q quite persoanl poiece this work, in the sense i do not think it would have much effect if my vision was much better and removing my glasses and i could almost see the same. on the other hand if my vision was much worse i would not have been able to find my way about and exploring the other points.

It is not like i would have altered my vision by putting somehting on, (like when i gave my glases to some people wihtin the conference when they asked how bad was my eyesight) but it is my natural vision that I am working with.  Going to be 30 tomorrow, makes this event a bit more important for me. it is a kind of rite of passage, i do not know into what, but it is going to by my first blurry birthday, i had glasses since i was primary 3.

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It is a great feeling that i was looking for in this work - the stage when I stop thinking of it as a performance. When I think of a performance I think of a stage and rehearsal.and those are things that i never wanted to be involved in through this work. For the time being it is hard to gether my thoughts. The sense of vision is still domineering. i think im going to stop trying to correct my typos, half of htem are becuase i can berely see the keyboard or sometimes in case of more complex words i jsut actulaay usually i rely on the machine to keep me right.

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Just started, it feels artiicial and staged. with re questioning self awareness ats much as possivle. best to think about others people uedeas and thouughts. of the conference for the tieme being

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It starts today, although it was lingering on my mind for a bit. Documenting observations and thoughts on here... it is hard not to edit, for what purpose though! It feels almost like doing a self portrait. Laura Cumming suggested that the self portrait might be a truest kind of portrait, even if it idealised or controlled by how the artist wants him/herself perceived. But even the fact of omitting something would tell more about that person than having the thing itself represented. I am not sure as to what time I will be removing my glasses, there is a couple of things i really need to do before I relinquish them on the plinth, like shaving my overgrown beard.

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From C. Classen’s 2011 article ‘Green Pleasures’, this work reflects on the intrinsic positive values attributed to each sense: to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to taste, versus the state of detachment and passivity that the domineering sense of sight might have shaped within contemporary culture. OD – 4.75 – 2.00 x 175 OS – 5.25 – 2.25 x 2 delineates a personal deficiency that will be at the heart of the artist’s proposal for the duration of the conference. The proposed performance centred installation will attempt to make the sense of sight less detached from the rest of the senses, not by completely disregarding it but by letting it exist in its natural astigmatic form. The artists thoughts and observations for the duration of the whole project will be collated in this blog

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This is a link to the programme of Sensory Worlds conference.  The list of installations can be found on page 26.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/28976322/SensoryWorldsProgramme-1.pdf

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